Have you ever been caught in a situation where you simply cannot win in any regard? No matter the choice you make you lose, and you lose big? I have and it's miserable.
But the graceful thing is I'm not trapped in a lifetime of no-win situations. I can work to separate myself from those situations, or relationships, which result in these frustrating, hair pulling, stress and sometimes rage-inducing moments.
The horse can't.
How often have you heard someone excuse horse abuse by saying the horse is a lot bigger than the person if they didn't want to do x,y,z you couldn't make them?
That's complete crap. How do I know? Because not all abuses are a physical force. And not all physical abuses are pound for pound.
Emotional and psychological abuse is powerful. If it weren't there would never be an incident in the history of many people being controlled by very few, without constant physical coercion.
And if the horse always wanted to do what we wanted there would never be a use for leverage or pain-inducing tack – draw reins, tie downs, martingales, spurs, war bridles, twitches, leverage bits, studded nosebands, harsh bits, etc.
If the horse decides he doesn't want to do something, he's usually subjected to pain or coercion. If he does obey then he has to do something which he doesn't want to do and even then is not guaranteed to be free from pain or coercion.
A horse that often says “no” might get labeled untrainable, unmanageable, difficult, dangerous .. but does that mean he's free to enjoy his life now? No, instead his life is less certain – he could be sold to less than savory people, abusive trainers/riders who try to “cowboy him”, sold to slaughter or just put down outright.
Still, obeying the rider when they don't want to isn't a win for the horse. If the horse makes a choice to work through pain without arguing or with minimal arguing to avoid pain or an unknown future – he is then working through pain for the enjoyment or benefit of his rider.
Think about it the next time you go to work your horse and he's “being difficult” or not 100% obedient .. he's saying no. Will you let him win for once, or continue making him the perpetual loser?