Although I think most people's outward assessment of me would not readily include the adjective “fearful,” they might be surprised to find just how many times I do in-fact experience fear. Sometimes it is fleeting, but mostly when I do it is overwhelming and paralyzing. It's hard to miss, and my horses seem to respond by giving the same distinction – wild fear or total confidence. Lucky me!
I have, for a long time, been able to pinpoint some piece in my life-puzzle that is out of place and triggering these fears. If I'm eating the wrong foods, not getting enough sleep, not listening to my gut instinct about something, when I'm coming down with a cold or flu, etc. Lately though I've just been ignoring everything important to my well-being it seems. Well, by lately I should say over a year… and it catches up. Lucky me for real this time, my fears have not stepped over bounds into working with my horses.. yet! But almost every day for the last few months I feel a level of anxiety, with no apparent cause, that I cannot brush away or meditate my way through. I think meditation was even making it worse!
My own horses I take great pains to ‘listen' to them and pick up every communication about what could be wrong, off, painful – and yet I'm ignoring myself. And still, I know absolutely that when even one single component is out of place for my horses they are more likely to be anxious, nervous, frightened and spooky. Perhaps their hooves are a week overdue for trimming, they are uncomfortable in their herd situation, they're still tired from the day before. Doesn't matter, I always give them the benefit of the doubt when they are feeling nervous.
But do I give myself that benefit of the doubt? Not lately, but I'm working on turning that around.
Do you ever experience periods of fear or anxiety? What's helped you through them?
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